Have you ever caught yourself stopping just before an important step? That is called self-sabotage.
What is behind it?
It is an unconscious protection mechanism. Your brain has learned: if you do not try too hard, you cannot fail. The pattern feels safe – even though it costs you exactly the things you want most.
What can you do?
Awareness, not self-judgment. In therapy we work on exactly these moments with patience and without pressure. You have only developed patterns that you no longer need – and what was learned can be unlearned.